Blogless In The Saddle

Damn job is keeping me too busy to blog.

Sad when you have to call at 9:00 p.m. to get the lights turned back on for your floor.

Sadder when you have to call with the same request at 11:00 p.m.

Seemingly hilarious when the PA system crackles at 11:55 p.m. with the eventual announcement that the building fire alarm system testing will begin in five minutes.



↑ [ discarded by wAnderLost  |  10:48 AM ]____________________________________________________________ ___ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

See! Know Evil.

A wise man (or was it woman?) once said to me: “Friends are a waste of time and money.”

And no.

This isn’t some outraged letter to the Gods speaking in some figurative tone.

No.

Wise person.

True story.

So what have I learned? Well…. First of all...

People?

Suck.

Yes. They do.

People use you. Cheat you. However, people are also what make life worth living. Though they can disappoint you to no end they can also show you love and respect. (Unfortunately) the former come in far more numbers than the latter and the former often think that they ARE the latter.

Delusional Fucks.

Maybe I’ve got the “Dreamer’s Disease”, but I was always told: “Do unto others as you would have done to you.”

What a container of shit.

I digress. (MY blog. Fuck off.) When you promise someone something and then you don't do it? We're not fucking morons. We remember. And people? I'll say it again... suck. They are out for themselves. They use you. They care more about themselves than they care about you. So wake the hell up.

Stop treating everyone like you expect to be treated.

Those people who will only call you when they need something... the ones that promise you everything and when they get what they need they give you less than the minimum in return? WE would never be like that would we? But then, when was the last time you did more for someone than they did for you?

HONESTLY!?

Who do you OWE?

Blah! If everyone gave more than they received we wouldn’t be in the shit state we are.

So you know what?

Don't bother to do your fucking part and keep relying on everyone else to compensate for your lack of effort.

Oh, and don't bother to call me. Ever.

And most of all…. Have a great day!






↑ [ discarded by rotameus  |  1:06 AM ]____________________________________________________________ ___ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Miffed Lift

While the world is enthralled in the prospect of war and goodness and badness and all that is right… I have a FAR more pressing issue that I feel deserves attention. That is, the issue of elevator etiquette.

I realize that you feeble-human-shells love your place of work SO DAMNED much that you would bulldoze me down to be the first to board that four-sided, vertically traversing magical ride to your fluorescent-lit, teal-coloured tombs so that you can bang away on a "WINDOWS 98 READY" interface to your souls…. But please… RULES ARE RULES. Perhaps they need to be revisited:

THE NEW ELEVATOR RULES FOR THE SOUL:

1. If you see someone running to make the elevator that you have already boarded and you HAVE made eye contact with them, mimic body language that exerts the 'concern' and 'compassion' of trying to press he OPEN button while you ACTUALLY quickly press the CLOSE button while helplessly shrugging as the doors close.

2. If you see someone running to make the elevator that you have already boarded and you HAVE NOT made eye contact with them, pretend to be engaged in some other activity (such as checking the state of your cuticles or the latest news on the closed circuit news wire with which many corporate elevators are now equipped) and simply let the doors close.

3. If YOU are running for an elevator and it closes JUST as you reach the doors, DO NOT attempt to risk your limb by throwing it between the doors or try to re-engage the button… instead, quickly accept defeat and run your fingers through your hair (or any other gesture of equal coolness such as continuing to read the daily newspaper that you were carrying) and step casually away from the now closed doors while looking slowly side-to-side taking a mental assessment of who saw you miss the lift and what potential influence they may have over your career.

4. If you get off on the wrong floor and realize it almost INSTANTLY after stepping off… so quickly in fact that you could easily turn around and re-board… continue on as if it WAS your floor casually glancing at your watch until the doors close (thereby saving face with the load of complete strangers with whom you just traveled). You may then continue your journey via the stairs or next available lift. ** Please note that premature pressing of the 'UP' button may reopen the doors of the elevator you were just on, before it has sufficient time to depart, causing you further embarrassment.

5. If you see someone that you KNOW who is waiting to take the elevator, but you would rather not travel with them… hang around the lobby engaging in inconspicuous but seemingly legitimate behaviour (like taking careful note of the other companies listed on the building directory who share your office tower) until such time the party to avoid has boarded.

6. When approaching a group of people who are either A) ON an elevator or B) Waiting for an elevator, confidently press the ALREADY LIT button to ensure that it has been properly engaged with the professional technique that only YOUR many years of elevator experience can exert. Repeat if necessary. Several times even.


This is by no means a comprehensive list of rules, but can serve as the starting point…. The GROUND FLOOR (if you will) for better, more ethical vertical travel everywhere.

"13 please".




↑ [ discarded by rotameus  |  5:54 PM ]____________________________________________________________ ___ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Sauce for the Gander

George Bush Jr. spoke last night. He spoke of War. He spoke of Casualties. He spoke of defending America. He spoke of ending Evil Dictatorships. He spoke of Weapons of Mass Destruction. He spoke of Patriotism. He spoke of Sacrifice.

I'd like to see the live television coverage of his twin daughters signing up as front-line foot soldiers. In fact, I'd like to see all of George and Barbara's grandchildren signing up. No officer-league military service for them, no siree - I want Jr. to put his money where his schoolyard-bully mouth is.


Georgie Porgie also spoke of Exile.

Now what would George have to say about Mr. Hussein's application for refugee status in Canada?






↑ [ discarded by wAnderLost  |  5:24 PM ]____________________________________________________________ ___ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Clauses Infect

I realized today that I drink a lot of coffee. I know this because I pee like 8 times a day. And while this may not be a palatable discussion for our forum... it points to a greater, more universal model... that of cause and effect.

While the logic behind cause and effect seems clear: action -> reaction. There is an interesting article I read about it that points out the fallacy of CONFUSING CAUSE AND EFFECT. It sounds silly... but looking back, so does Billy Ray Cyrus. For instance: did the popularity of Billy Ray bring Line Dancing to the mainstream? OR Did the main-streaming of Line Dancing cause Billy Ray to become popular?

It just boggles the mind don’t it!?

Nuff said.

Simple chronological analysis can answer cause and effect conundrums. You simply observe.

1. Drank lots of coffee. 2. Peed. We have a winner.

But in terms of social order, it isn’t always so clear. To complicate the issue further, time has a way of blurring the past... sometimes one version says ‘1. Drank coffee. 2. Peed’ and another version says ‘1. Peed. 2. Drank coffee’. So did drinking coffee cause you to pee or did you peeing cause you to drink coffee? Do you see? Do you?

We humans are simple creatures. We like things to be spoon fed to us.. like ice cream and an assortment of jams. We don’t like to dig too deeply... because we are lazy and usually don’t like what we find. We like easy. We like pretty. We like simple. For God’s sake, we liked Billy Ray Cyrus.

All I’m saying is: try not to confuse cause and effect. Think for yourself...

and drink Coke®.



↑ [ discarded by rotameus  |  5:54 PM ]____________________________________________________________ ___ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _