From The Cradle to the Gravy…

On a sad note, Fernand Lachance, the Canadian inventor of poutine passed away earlier this month. For those of you who don’t know, poutine is a delectable concoction of French fries topped with gravy and cheese curds that is enjoyed the world over. Mr. Lachance died of (go figure) pulmonary disease. Apparently “the town he called home is looking for a way to commemorate the world-famous culinary invention”.
Yeah, because cheese and sauce on fried potato slices needs to be commemorated… like we Canadians aren’t already the laughing stock of the world… now we can be known as purveyors of a deep-fried delicacy that boasts a lofty 60 grams of fat per serving and was arguably responsible for the death of the man who invented it.

On the other hand, it certainly is a nice little international ‘fuck you’ from a country known for it’s excessive courtesy and political correctness.

…with 'glowing' hearts we eat thee fries



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Cock Talk



I think that Rusty the Rooster should be the next Governor General of Canada.

During his 25 year tenure on the CBC, Rusty the Rooster embodied what it meant to be a true Canadian. He was inquisitive, loyal and even though he lived in a giant castle, he was humble.

You may say, “Representing the Queen is no easy task!”. Well I’d say “Neither is living in a cloth sack or playing the harp with fervor and finesse using small a set of stumpy wings!”.

With all this recent talk of under-the-weather poultry, I would love to see this regal rooster strut his stuff in Rideau Hall and show those nay-sayers what Canadian chickens are really made of.

As the Governor General of Canada, I could see Rusty bringing important facts to light… such as; “The Order of Canada” is NOT in fact “A medium double-double and a dozen Timbits” but rather, a prestigious award presented to Canadians BY the Governor General designed to justify the existence OF the Governor General.

I certainly hope Mr. Martin can find it in his heart to appoint Mr. Rooster to this prestigious social position and stop the malicious cycle of species-discrimination that has been allowed to incubate and hatch in the office of the Governor General of Canada.

It’s time to shake (and bake) up Ottawa and Rusty the Rooster is just the bird to do it.

Thank you.



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The Tinseltown Trinity



Mel Gibson is bankrolling this new flick called ‘The Passion of the Christ’ which is to be released on Wednesday Feb 25, 2004 - Ash Wednesday on the Roman Catholic calendar. The movie is supposed to detail the final hours of Jesus Christ’s life.

In what is an apparently graphic depiction of torture and crucifixion, the movie promises to be one of the closest, most realistic representations of JC’s final hours…

However, this film is not without divisive intervention… It has caused outrage in many Jewish communities where the general feeling is that Jews depicted in the movie, as being responsible for Christ’s death, will become victims of anti-Semitism. Jim Caviezel, (the actor who plays Christ) was actually STRUCK BY LIGHTNING while filming the movie. (Where was God when “Dude Where’s My Car” was being filmed).

Regardless of how everything pans out, I don’t think I’ll be going to see the sequel since I’m pretty sure I know what happens.

In the name of The Father, The Son and The Holy Oscar.

Amen.



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Stupid Cupid




Valentine’s day is a scam. If you truly appreciate your spouse, then you should show them every day… not just on February 14th because retailers tell you to.

Here is a list of 14 nice little things that you can do for your loved one on the other 364 days of the year to show them that you really care;

1. Don’t drink excessively and then viciously beat them for not having dinner ready.
2. Flush the toilet after EVERY use.
3. If you steal money from their wallet, leave a small, scented ‘IOU’ note in place of the cash.
4. Always remember that your teeth are no substitute for proper toenail clippers.
5. If you become angry, frustrated or suicidal, make sure to suppress those feelings deep into the pit of your stomach until they go away. Don’t burden your loved one with your issues.
6. Buy yourself a beer fridge that you can place next to your easy-chair so that it’s within comfortable reach. This will save your spouse the effort of having to get you a beer every time you finish one.
7. Cook a surprise dinner and be sure to leave some left-overs for your loved one to enjoy when they get home from work. Also, leave the dishes and clean-up to your spouse to show them that they are an important part of ‘Team Us’.
8. When leaving your soiled underpants on the floor, be sure to kick them into a corner so that your spouse will not have to navigate around them.
9. If you are unfaithful, be discrete when cheating so as not to upset your significant other.
10. If you must expel gas in public, take full responsibility rather than unjustly blaming your love.
11. Don’t get cancer. Terminal illness is a bummer to everyone.
12. When your spouse is cleaning your home, be sure to stay out of their way and even put on some nice music for them to enjoy while they work.
13. A small monetary favour is a nice way to thank your spouse for a small sexual favour.
14. Nothing says ‘I love you’ like grabbing some ass when you hug your spouse.

Feel the ass, feel the love…



↑ [ discarded by rotameus  |  11:23 AM ]____________________________________________________________ ___ __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Ah, verage.

It's important to give kids the real linguistic tools they will need in life.

I did my part by teaching my friend's 1-1/2 year old the following words:

snot
sub-standard
mediocre (his favourite of the 3)


I feel better about the future.



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