You’ll Understand When You Have Kids…



My busy life has kept me from expressing myself via this blog. However, I have made a point of expressing myself in other ways. Like by swearing at those around me and by throwing child-like tantrums when I don’t get my own way. Well, whatever works.

In Ohio, this lady was sentenced to 6 ½ years in jail for faking that her daughter had leukemia. She went so far as to shave her daughter’s head and give her sleeping pills, claiming that the kid was in chemotherapy. She also put the kid in counseling to prepare her for her own death.

Now, I was never subjected to this particular brand of extreme abuse as a child… but I will offer:

1) My parents decided how long my hair should be.
2) My parents told me when to go to sleep.
3) My parents raised me to constantly fear my own demise (at their hands of course).
4) My parents, on many occasions could be heard saying to me that I was a ‘sick boy’.

My parents never did any time.

My parents always told me that life wasn’t fair.





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Java Jones

If we'd had a coffee machine this cool, I'd have been a convert way back when.



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Citizens Cultivated



Many years ago (in the 1960s), the Ontario Ministry of Tourism (I think) put out this pro-Ontario theme song. A few weeks ago while visiting as a guest on the Conan O’Brien show, actor Jim Carey (an Ontario native) resurrected the song by singing his own unabashed version. This prompted the cracker-jack-idea-machine that is our government to consider re-releasing a “modern” version of the catchy “Ontari-ari-ari-o” song. There was an appeal to the masses to update the lyrics.

And so, I have undertaken this civil duty:

Original Lyrics
Give us a place to stand, and a place to grow, and call this land, Ontario.
A place to live, for you and me,
With hopes as high, as the tallest tree,
A place to stand, a place to grow,
Ontari-ari-ari-o
A place to stand,
A place to stand,
A place to grow,
A place to grow,
Ontari-ari-ari-o!

New Improved Lyrics
Give us a place to stand, in a welfare queue, where your Government will steal from you,
Corrupted cops and Steam Ship Lines,
Where a pot-grow-op seems quite benign,
Blackouts, SARS and Mad-Cow too,
We’ve even got the Asian Flu,
Elected staff,
Elected staff,
Will blow your dough,
Will blow your dough,
Ontari-ari-ari-o!




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